2014年2月5日 星期三

A good omen?

I am a dreamer. By that I don't mean the "I have a dream" kind of a dreamer, but the "have a very exciting life after falling asleep" kind. I dream every time I sleep, and most of my dreams are nightmares, involving me running from something, or being forced to do certain things. My nightmares include every kind of my fears, and two things that top my scare chart are steep hills and small passages. I never gave it much thought, since most of my fears are somewhat illogical. A couple days ago, those two elements appeared in the same dream, and that's when I started to think about the reasoning behind my fear. After some thought, I realized they both stem from childhood incidents. 

When I was around 8, I went on a field trip with my class to a orange orchard. The orange trees were planted on a small but steep hill, and we were supposed to go around and pick oranges. At one point, someone dropped an orange, and I watched it roll at a high velocity all the way down to the bottom. I could not forget the scene, and I was convinced that I will lose my footing and roll down the hill like the orange, ending in a mush. Despite how frightened I was, everyone else seemed to be having fun, so I kept quiet and tried to look calm. The fear must have grew and grew inside me to an disproportional scale, even to this day, I often dream of sliding down hills.  

My fear of small passages come from another nature trip. (see why I am not a nature-loving person?) I was with my family, and we were touring one of nature's wonders, a complicated structure carved out of rock. Apparently looking at it from afar isn't enough, so we had to go through the entire and bask ourselves in the powers of nature. The structure comprised of some steps leading upwards, (probably reinforced by men) then endless narrow passages gradually leading downwards. I did not like it at all, but still managed to hold it together. At the very end, there were two gigantic horizontal slabs of stone with some space between them, and we have to crawl through it to get back to society. The opening looked ridiculously small. I was probably being whiny, so some adults went first. It looked like a human sandwich, except the stuffing is trying to wiggle their way out. When it was my turn, I was struggling a bit with my dysfunctional body coordination, but wasn't freaking out yet. Then I scraped my elbow. That moment, I was screaming in my head, thinking I will get stuck here and slowly rot to death. I think I might have cried. Of course, my fear was ridiculous, since that men twice my size have gone safely before me, but isn't that the usually case with fears? 

I never realized how childhood events can affect me so deeply, and it was a bit amusing to find out. So what happened in my dream? Was it a double-dose horror story? In the dream, I was forced to climb a steep hill. I was horrified, and I tell the other person I couldn't do it. He (It?) gave me some words of encouragement, and sent me on my way. On my way up, the sulfate surface suddenly turned into grapes. it was still steep, but I could get a foothold by sticking my feet in between the soft mushy grapes. (Wine-making anyone?) It was like climbing a rope ladder, and I made it to the top with ease. I was feeling quite happy with myself, until I'm told that I have to continue forward and crawl through a small passage. I almost cried, but with my newly-found confidence, I pushed on. After enduring the dark, tight crawlspace, I exited into a bright and open space, greeted by friends. Then I woke up. 

In this dream, I overcame two of my biggest fears, a rarity in my series of never-ending nightmares. Could it be a good omen, that I will be overcoming obstacles in life? I certainly hope so! Now, I wonder what I will dream of tonight?

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